11 thoughts on “Start small

  1. Seriously? Look man I’ve been reading your comic for a while, and I enjoy it but you should really realize that you are using this ‘I’m a nice guy, why won’t anyone date me thing’ as a crutch. You want to know why your in the friend zone? It’s because you firmly place yourself in the position of ‘victim’ from the moment you meet someone and no woman wants someone they have to . Sexual appeal comes from confidence, that’s why douchebag assholes tend to get a date so easy, because bravado can look like confidence in a hazy bar :)

    In order to break that cycle of ‘I like her why won’t she date me?’ You need to watch the Tao of Steve. Excellent movie, and while it ‘disproves’ itself at the end I’ve always found the mantra in the movie to be an excellent guide.

    Be Unavailable
    Be Excellent
    Be Gone

    In other words first find an excuse within yourself why you simply CAN’T date the person no matter how awesome they are. Convince yourself of this reason. Then when you are with that person do something you are good at, draw her a sketch, make her laugh, anything that shows you have value. Then be gone, if the conversation is going well and you are having fun talking, have a ready available excuse as to why you have to leave, and as you leave then a ‘Hey this was fun, maybe we should get together some time, what’s your number?’ has never failed me.

    The reason I rant about this is I was in the same mentality that you are in right now, and I can tell you it is a vicious circle that leads to you dating someone just because they are willing. The only way out of that loop is to become truly confident in yourself, but the best way to fake it until you really accept yourself FOR yourself is to set rules similar to what I described. Just because you keep yourself unavailable doesn’t mean that you have to stop being a nice guy, just means that you stop looking for dates and START looking for friends. (Turns out girls hate being put in the friend zone as much as us guys do)

  2. Yeah but that’s all done a billion times before and I prefer an original approach :)

    Seriously though. It’s a cartoon. The biggest risk I’m taking is making people believe it’s an exact depiction of what’s happening in my real life and that I mean everything I say.

  3. @ Ryan: Interesting point of view and nicely put into words. Especially “that’s why douchebag assholes tend to get a date so easy, because bravado can look like confidence in a hazy bar” made me lol.

    @Jeroen: Last weeks I really enjoy your comics again. Maybe it’s that the ‘he’ doesn’t desperately want the ‘she’ anymore. No more drawings of her, no more dreaming of her, she’s turned into some kinde of mental coach. I like that change. Makes the comic feel fresh again.
    All the best to you!

  4. Thanks.

    Something I wanted to add: it’s no use pretending this is all made up either. Some of it is real, yes. And it’s long been established that I could do with a bit more confidence. Let’s take that as a given. I also greatly appreciate all the concern and the good advice people give me with the best of intentions. However, some of it tends to sound like ‘hey, here’s a good psychological trick you can use to manipulate someone into being attracted to you’. Fuck everything about that. They’ll like me for what I am, or they won’t. (Incidentally, most of them do. Just not in that way.)

  5. @Jeroen

    “‘hey, here’s a good psychological trick you can use to manipulate someone into being attracted to you’. Fuck everything about that.”

    Kudos to you sir. I’ve always thought this too.

  6. @Jeroen

    It’s not about manipulating the person to like you, your being yourself, it’s about manipulating your own actions to prevent yourself from sabotaging yourself when you meet people. When I had so many problems meeting people I would start most conversations with a self effacing joke, or worst of the worst, MENTION how hard a time I had meeting people. The result is you are unconsciously appealing to the persons since of pity, and that’s not what you are actually trying to do. The point of the exercise is more to train yourself to APPEAR confident, because really you ARE confident, you believe that you are an interesting and worthwhile person, you just don’t understand why others don’t see it, so you try to get their perspective on it. :)

    My mantra has always been this,

    “I am not for everyone, no woman will fawn and swoon at the site of me, but I am a decent human being, and I can make a woman smile, so if your not interested your loss.”

    Force yourself to go to singles meetups (Yes they are complete meat markets, no most people are not your cup of tea) force yourself to go to stupid parties or bars, and meet people your completely not interested in. Get to know people for the sake of knowing people. Yes I know its RIDICULOUSLY hard, but it is the one thing that helped me the most.

  7. I have started reading this strip recently but I totally agree with Jeroen…..They’ll like me for what I am, or they won’t. “”””(Incidentally, most of them do. Just not in that way.)”””” Happens too often :( thgh I dont care :)

  8. But Ryan we must bear in mind that not all of the strips are exactly about Jeoren. It might be about his friends, or just exaggerated for the purpose of art ;) Mostly it is not about ‘nobody likes me’ but ‘i tend to fall in ‘love’ with wrong people’ or ‘many fish in the sea but I’m allergic to sea food’ ;)

  9. Yeah of course I have to fit “reality” into this four-panel format AND try to give it a bit of a humorous twist, which is another reason why it is at least a bit distorted.

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