Change is hard

Warning: blog post contains traces of horse meat and bitterness.

Since no one’s asking, I’ll do it myself: so, how’s that big change coming along, Jeroen? The short answer is: very very slowly. Dammit, change is tough. Even reminding yourself to work on it just a little each day is a challenge when faced with the easier alternative of remaining a grumpy couch vegetable.

I have been keeping very busy in the past weeks though, that is true. But I feel I have little or nothing to show for it yet. One frustration is that I haven’t found a new creative outlet to replace Happysad with. Nothing at all. What if it really was a once-in-a-lifetime idea? Another worry is that despite my somewhat improved social life, far too often I still feel lonely as shit. As if in the end, there is only one essential touchstone for happiness: am I in a loving relationship with someone who cares as much for me as I care for her? No? Then I’m not fucking happy. Nor happily.

Yes, I know what some of you are thinking. That you first have to be happy with yourself and yadda yadda yadda… That’s all very nice for self-help books, but I know what I want, and it sucks that I don’t have it. Period. And so the struggle continues. I take comfort in the fact that winter is almost over, that I’m already feeling a bit more energized, and that in general, life could be worse too. Maybe it’s a blessing that missing a mate is all I can complain about. But while working on change is a noble enterprise, and I’m most certainly not giving up on it, simply catching a lucky break would be bloody welcome too.


12 thoughts on “Change is hard

  1. Yes, Happysad is a once-in-a-lifetime idea. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have more once-in-a-lifetime ideas and experiences. Enjoy the search!
    What helped/helps me when I’m feeling that way: travelling!
    Hugs. :)

  2. As these guys said, keep it up buddy!! Of course change is hard, but many times is also rewarding, you’ll look back to this moment and think: “Damn I went a long way since then.”. Keep working, drawing lots of cartoons, even post them if you feel like it. Great ideas will come!! :D

  3. So fangirls, there was a literal invitation to “fuck this” ;)

    Though usually people try to look more inviting on their adverisement, but who knows maybe he is going for a nich

  4. The magic of happysad was (still is) that many of us can relate to it, and for me that’s basically why you’re a good artist: you can translate your feelings and emotions to us.
    I can even relate to this post, something as simple as knowing what you want and not when or how she is going to happen can drive you crazy.
    Anyway, try to keep on going, use your life as inspiration for your new projects (even the down sides, but I don’t have to tell you that) and remember that you have all your fans rooting for you!
    In a way you’ve been so many years with us, so hell, we’ll even rant with you!
    What the fuck life, give him a break.

  5. Just keep up the good work, change IS hard but you will see things getting better as time goes by. We are all here with you!
    Just make sure to always keep a smile and remember that there is a group of people that care for you!

  6. Wish I could give You an advice that would solve You these problems, but I can’t. :( All I can do, is to say that I wish You all the best. Do not give up! :)

  7. on the plus side – we all loved you the way you were. So if anything goes slippery along the change road, at least you got us behind you ;) but we might have long needles/pitchforks/other white weapon to keep you going forward, so… geez, ok, 2 in the morning is not the best time for supporting your change plans. I will stick to – hugs and good luck! :D

  8. @ Eeva- hilarious!!!tho…the “advertisement” was kinda “off” a bit…but then again there are some women who would like that…i guess…

    well thanks for keeping in touch with us, Jeroen…you’ll get through this…whatever this thing you’re into right now…

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